May 2012
my boyfriend is laughing at my lack of tits
it’s not my fault A’s are too big
…..
fuck life
Invited to a pool party….oh god.
I’m nervous as fuck. No one has seen me without clothes on in over a year. I think I’m more weight than I was a year ago… I think. I don’t know. Shit. Ughghghghghgh. I need to tone. And it’s a bbq. I’m so god awful nervous right now. Bottomless pit in my stomach.
One week to fix myself. I got this.
I feel so lose and relaxed right now. I haven’t done yoga in so long. I needed that.
Greatest thing I have ever read in my life. →
Mommy & daddy have been married 20 years today.
That’s so crazy.
We went out to eat and to make their night I ate everything on my plate plus salad, plus like 4 bread sticks (it was Olive Garden…how could I not?) and two of the chocolate mint things they give you at the end. It was really good but I’m really full. Trying so hard to not let it get to my head.
Ow… my baton machete hit me in the head like at full power. Fuck that hurt.
I can honestly say I had a great day.
made friends
kicked ass in volleyball
saw brooks more than usual
burned calories
ate a burger
the last two voided each other out
lists lists lists
i love lists
i’m gunna go twirl now
KAY BAI
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1300 calories at max for my total today
fuck life
I just gorged myself on peanut butter on a banana with raisins, and then my mom got out the best nut mix in the world and we ate like half of the container.
Yup. Deff went over 2200.
Fuck everything. Why can’t I accept that I need to gain more weight.
THUNDDAAAAHH!
Where’s my boyfriend when I need him. In need of a cuddle movie fest.
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I need something to look forward to, something to strive for, someone to love, something to achieve.
I’m sick of wasting my life.
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Fuck you, dad.
Why did you make the most delicious smelling popcorn in the face of the world. My room on the otherrrrrr end of where the kitchen is smells like a fucking movie theater.
I will not eat it. No. Not happening. No.
Somethings wrong with me.
Help me.
Please……anybody…
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This always happens.
One of my ex’s text me. Then it’s like a fiesta.
I think they all plan this shit.
Go me.
For dinner I had about 3 cups of pasta/chicken/broccoli in garlic and oil.
For dessert I had 1/2 cup of Ben and Jerry’s frozen yogurt.
I think I made up for my stupidity today.
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What the hell just happened?
Something totally just fucked over my brain. Fuuuuuuckin’ A!
I’ve been so good with eating and not working out at all for so long. Probably the longest I’ve gone since I’ve been out of inpatient. My brain went all hay wire or something. I did P90x, pilates, hula hooping, and I twirled. In addition to walking a lottt with my mom yesterday and using my dad’s weight...
